How I achieve work-life balance as a physician

When I set my eyes on stethoscope and my mind on white coat, the warnings about personal life was endless. "It is a 24/7 job. Think about becoming a professor with lots of vacation time" said my dad. "Be prepared to miss parties, holidays and family functions" said my mom. More skeptical comments poured in from many others that made me a little edgy. We physicians have a stereotypical image of work mongers with no reprieve. White coat workers dealing with disease and death. It is an irony that we as health care professional who give lectures to our patients about eating right, sleeping tight, are the ones who are often running from offices to hospitals missing many meals and spending sleepless nights.

I, like many others juggle with personal and professional responsibilities. Planning, preparing and most importantly unwinding has helped me keep those adrenaline rush under control.
➤Prudent Planning: Being a typical "Type A" personality I have always planned my days well ahead. I usually go through my week's schedule on Sunday to give me an idea on how to prepare myself for both personal and professional demands. If there is any conflicts I try to fix it then and there.
➤Practical preparation: Putting the planning to action requires a lot of co-ordination and time management. I pack lunch, set clothes for my kids and myself the night before so that we waste little time in the morning searching for a pair of socks or belt. I have a set schedule for dinner during the week days that is simple and easy to follow. I finish most of the chores like laundry, grocery shopping during the weekend so that weekday evenings are spent entirely with kids.
➤Modus operandi: Most important change I did with my work schedule is to start early and finish early. This way I not only waste time in traffic but also give my patient the flexibility of scheduling their doctor's visit before they hit work. I keep my office hours strictly for patient care and try to get as much work as possible while at office. We have a office policy of not allowing lunches from any salesperson. I limit my interaction with drug reps to a quick hello and signature at the waiting room. All my staff members are encouraged to communicate with me through our EHR messaging system. Monthly face to face meeting with my staff gives me the dedicated time to discuss about their concerns and come up with a plan . I also log in every night to check labs, send messages and do Rx refills which saves me tremendous amount of time during the work day. I allot specific to-do list for my staff so that work flow is streamlined. I keep one day a week as an administrative day when my staff catch up with those lengthy phone calls with insurance companies or carry out those ever frustrating "PA" process while I do my nursing home rounds.

➤Power naps: Do not underestimate the "Power of power naps". I have always been a big advocate of power naps and cannot stress enough how much it has helped me to be very productive in the evening. Since I come home with my boys I do get ( rather make) time for a quick 20 minute nap that seem to revitalize me.The rest of the evening until their bed time is exclusively for my children which is as fulfilling to me as my white coat job.

➤ I have a discovered a few ways to unwind after work which is both relaxing as well as purposeful like cooking, gardening. I not only get my quota of physical activity but also get my chores done. Another new hobby I very much enjoy is blogging. My personal blog covers a wide range of topics from real life events to abstract narrative which helps me connect with friends with all walks of lives.On the other hand I maintain my grounds in the field of medicine through my health blog that constantly pushes me to be up-to-date.

➤Splendid Saturdays: Most of us would prefer a golf course to an examination room on Saturdays.Meeting friends will make more sense on Saturdays than meeting the "Meaningful use criteria"! I beg to differ.  I have a short but a packed schedule on Saturdays which has helped my practice tremendously. Working on Saturdays has been very fulfilling to me for many reasons, less traffic on the street, empty parking spaces, gratified patients and laid back atmosphere. By the time my family finishes their brunch, I'm home for some quality family time.

How do we find balance between a personal and professional life? Some would even ask is there a perfect balance ? The answer is in our hands. Physicians belong to the society of high achievers. We have always pushed us to go beyond what it is expected from us. So it is only natural that we continue set our goals higher. There is nothing wrong in aiming big and working hard but not at the cost one's piece of mind. Of late physician burnout has increased exponentially, suicide rate and sudden cardiac death continue to raise among us. We need to fix it,before this Stress syndrome sucks out the life from us.

Being in this noble profession has opened my eyes to the world. I learnt that key to happiness is being yourself, to pursue your heart's desire. The simple joys of life cannot be measured in dollar amount. I get up every morning eager to put on my white coat knowing that I can make a difference in someone's life and I come home with same enthusiasm knowing that I'm going to have personally gratifying time with my loved ones. 

Color blind

It was heart breaking to hear about the killing of a young Indian man in Kansas last week. A senseless act of violence brought the life of a 32 year old loving husband, a caring brother and adorable son to an abrupt end. His American dream turning into a nightmare! Until that day I have always felt safe in American soil. My brown skin, unpronounceable Indian name or my desi accent did not alienate me from others. I felt a part of the multicultural American fabric as many other immigrants. This incident wiped off all securities in my mind in an instant!The country that welcomed immigrants from all over the world with open arms is now closing its doors. Shall I say is made to close its doors! Fear swept across the Indian diaspora as we look for an answer. What shall we tell our children? How do we prepare ourselves from these racist attacks? Crippling fear, overwhelming sadness and above all precarious future are the dark clouds above of our heads.  As law abiding Americans we all take pride in everything American irrespective of the color of our skin, country of origin or religious affiliation.
 Martin Luther King's famous speech says " I have a  dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character". It is about time to create a color blind society. We all need to unite under one common goal of protecting human life. Human life, irrespective of race, religion, etc is precious and we all can do our part in spreading the message of seeing every human being as our own, to feel their pain and appreciate their differences. 

The realm of relationship

Let's admit it, we all have felt jealous of someone at some point or other. May be he/she is better looking, endowed with great skills or just the type who outsmarts everyone. Recent article in a local newspaper titled " Friends you don't want your partner to meet"triggered a series of interesting discussions that led me to ponder on these lines. Feeling of jealously when in a relationship as much as it reflects one's insecurity it also reflects one's love for their partner. There is that hidden pleasure in knowing that our significant other is feeling jealous and within limits being possessive also means that boundless love for someone special. That love that you don't want it to share it with anyone else!
 
One of my friend from college days had a super possessive boyfriend who would go to her college and punch her seniors for merely ragging her. May be they flirted a little in the name of ragging! We used to tease her saying  " He has sign on your back - My property, no trespassing allowed strictly!" It is okay if done within limits like many other things but that special person in your life should not feel suffocated. Feeling of suffocation even with love can be detrimental to a relationship.

Another very interesting category is your "Ex" who is your friend currently. That category is too complicated for many partners to digest even if one swears that they have erased any such feeling. This reminds me of the award winning malayalum movie called "Olangal". In that movie the hero Amul Palekar brings in a child home,telling his wife Ambika that the little girl is the daughter of his friend who had died in an accident. Ambika showers her motherly love on that girl until one day she finds out that the child was in fact her husband's love child from another women. All hell breaks loose from then on...If someone cannot accept a child think about an adult. It will be a topic that would be best avoided for known reasons. The society does not give any "Ex" a second chance to put the differences and animosity behind, even if that person is willing. There are outlier to the garden variety group of "ex" who are able to filter that hatred for each other, untangle the relationship web, turn a deaf ear to the gossip mongers....and maintain a blissful relationship with their ex-partners.

Ladies often feel intimidated by that "Super hot" friend who steals everyone's attention and would possibly steal their man too. If you are teenager that attractive friend of yours could be a threat as boys usually carry their hearts in their pocket... and would easily lose it to a good looking dame! The more they know about our insecurities more will be the drooling episodes. As we grow up we realize( I mean both the genders) that beauty is skin deep and we need more than a pretty face to establish a long lasting relationship.

Everyone is quite cautious about that flirtatious group of men and women. Boy! I hate them like many others. Their agenda is to create havoc in a serious relationship and nothing else. In one of our hospital parties I witnessed one such act. This young male doctor Sanjay had his eyes on his female colleague Anjali and he made sure that he announced it to the world that evening! Anjali was getting introduced to a senior physician in the hospital Dr.Singh and poor Dr.Singh happened to hold her hand a little longer than the usual brief hand shake. Our Casanova walks into the middle of that formal introduction and puts his hand around her. He did not stop there...he went ahead to the chief " Take your hands off of her, I know about you oldies too well". Everyone in that group had their mouth open...he gave this sermon with his hands firmly placed on her hip !! The entire evening he followed her everywhere and flirted to his heart's content. so much so that, some even thought that he was Anjali's husband. Now did Sanjay has any serious feelings for Anjali, to my knowledge "no" but he is that carefree Casanova whom you would never introduce to your partner!

Next group of people are the "Smartie pants" type. They think that they know it all and make sure that they rub it on everyone else. They are out spoken, loud and do not think twice about bragging about themselves. They impress people in the first meeting and make everyone around them feel like "nobody". A good friend of mine has this natural instinct of showing off her knowledge, materialistic possession, her awards from kindergarten to Medical college on her very first encounter. She can talk hours about treating a common cold and make every non medical person in the room open their mouth wide in an awe and every medical person roll their eyes and walk away. These self proclaimed Nobel laureate can be very annoying and it can also damage a fragile self -esteem. They are harmless, annoyance who can trigger small fights in a relationship but nothing more!

That secret admirer of yours...can be exciting, daunting and often perplexing. That gut feeling that he/she likes you but can't be sure. Very tricky group to deal with since we do not know for sure where we stand. Should I introduce him/her to my significant other? What if he/she drops the "admiration bomb" in front of my possessive partner?  What if  he/she acts indifferently out of jealously ? There lot more questions that would come to one's mind in dealing with these puzzling persona.

Good relationship as such is very difficult to establish. I feel that there is some super natural power to bring like-minded people together..." Rab ne bana di jodi" Out of the thousands of eyes we see there is one pair that strikes a chord. And out of the hundreds we have spoken to, there is one voice that speaks our heart's language. If you have that person in your life, cherish every moment with your loved one and do not worry about whom you partner gets introduced to. 

Heart warming Holidays

                                                           

Having lived in North America for almost two decades,I have added a few more holidays to my list.Easter,July 4th,Thanksgiving and Christmas to name a few. Spring brings in colorful flowers and delightful Easter bunny.Who could escape the Easter egg hunt if you have small children?As the Easter bunny jumps away,our next major holiday break comes in a snail's pace after 3 long months. As soon the school closes in the North eastern part of US, we kick off the summer vacation with American Independence day. July 4th fireworks reminds us all of "Diwali".I would never say no to lighting those sparklers under the clear summer sky.Then comes September,which not only summons a new school year but also our Indian festive season.The season starts with "Navarathri" which got a new platform in US lately. South Indians still enthusiastically bring their authentic "Golu"dolls from back home and proudly display it in their living room.The nine day celebration is usually cut down to the weekends.While the Golu goers in Chennai went door to door without an invitation that open door policy does not seem to exist anywhere these days.Dates are fixed in advance and attendance strictly by invitation only! In the past few years most of the towns with sizable Indian population in US have launched electrifying "Dandiya" nights in a mega scale.The event is marked by heavily packed halls,ear splitting music,ladies and men in the best Indian attire dancing to the beats of Dandiya music until daybreak.

Before we could recover from Navarathri, Diwali follows.Did I forget to mention about the spooky festival of Halloween? I have gone from designing my son's warrior costume to carving a pumpkin like many parents.While we fight hard to get over the sugar rush from Halloween candies our willpower is put to another test by the mouth watering Diwali delicacies.The North American Diwali includes grand Diwali melas to elaborate week long festivities in our temples to small scale neighborhood parties.We are lucky to have some school districts declare it as a holiday here.It has been a tradition for many desi families in New Jersey to make a quick trip to our local "Sivakaasi" in a town named Easton in Pennsylvania to get the fireworks.While "Diyas" brighten our dark fall nights, Diwali sweets help us beat those Fall blues.As our folks in India wrap up their holiday season soon after Diwali, we start another session of "Adopted Holidays".What's interesting about them is the Indian touch the Thanksgiving and Christmas celebration gets in our desi families.Indian Thanksgiving meals gets Americanized longer you stay here but I still frequently find our Tandoori dishes next to Turkey on Thanksgiving dinner table.No one cares as long it satiates your holiday appetite! Anyway we have come a long way from what the pilgrims ate.I absolutely love the way we first generation immigrants have added a new flavor to the American holidays.We bring in the Christmas cheers by following the rituals of an American Christmas as closely as possible so that our kids too can share their holiday stories with their friends, be it taking them to "Radio City Christmas Spectacular" or merely giving them a spectacular icicle lighting at the house.We show the same enthusiasm in putting the Christmas tree as we do for lighting the Diyas on Diwali.Every Indian mom puts on her best culinary effort to make the gingerbread house as they do for making "Laddos"during Diwali.

Holidays in any culture has one meaning,that's bringing the families and friends together.Of course food is an integral part of any celebration.It's a time to break the monotonous daily chores and add a little excitement to otherwise mundane lives of many.It's time to clean up the clutter,embellish the house,and to adorn oneself.We immigrants seem to have assimilated the quality of bringing the best out of both cultures.While our motherland inculcated outstanding hospitality, our adopted motherland polished it with an international touch but both taught us the importance of the family and friends.Holidays celebrated with kith and kin has a special meaning.They not only kindle childhood memories but also create new ones with no expiration date.Holidays are heart warming and emotionally uplifting.As we step into this holiday season let's all be thankful for the loved ones in our lives who make our everyday special and our holidays extra special.Happy Holidays!!

Hypocrisy at its best

No Presidential election campaign was as bitter as this one. No election result ever left friendships fractured and relationships strained. In the last few month America listened to the backlashes from both sides and finally when we thought that it was over we are opening a Pandora box !Hypocrisy was the key game card during this election. Every exit polls went wrong. Stunned to see black sheep among us. People who were ashamed to openly support Trump came out of the hiding....election results changed by "Silent voters"stunned this nation. Hypocrisy at its heights! Selfish motive superseded their traditional values and belief. It is 3 days since election results came out...America continue to voice out their anger and frustration on the streets of major cities.A country known for its diversity is now deeply divided.What is next for this great nation ? Is it going to be beginning of a new era of great healthcare, border security, and booming economy as promised ? When the Out going President Obama and the President elect Trump came together on 11/10/2016, it made me realize that when the titans can put the differences behind....we as a responsible citizens can do the same for the country that we call it home! 

Tribute to Drew

               

  On August 29th, 2016 life of a teenager ended tragically in a road accident in New Jersey. A young life cut short, an aspiring mind erased in a flash and big dreams coming to a crushing end.As the news spread through my town, everyone was gripped with sadness beyond words. Drew as he was affectionately called, was a person full of humor, energy, talent and most importantly the love for life. I sat with my son to get know about this incredible youngster whom I had only met briefly at his school play. Drew, as I came to know was the "Gaston" in beauty and the Beast, the handsome and adorable villain who with his natural boyish mannerism had the audience raving his acting skills. I also came to know that this kid had a great sense of humor in addition to his amazing talent. Drew was also a caring brother, a loving son....and a wonderful human.
On September 1st when all the kids were getting ready for the first day of school, Franklin township kids were preparing themselves to say good bye to their dear friend. Excitement of the new school year was replaced by the overwhelming sadness at the loss of their popular classmate. Fear and anxiety ran high in the minds of the parents on how to possibly prepare their children for the funeral. I could not even comprehend what Drew's family was going through. That solemn ceremony attended by hundreds of people left me with many unanswered questions....Why this kid? How and where his parents will find strength to move on? How many 12 year old would have attended the funeral of their friend? Is it fair for his siblings and friends to experience such a devastating loss at this young age? I found the answers after two months...
 The community came together again two months later to celebrate Drew's life and cherish his memories. Singers, dancers, poets and orators took to the stage with one message
 "Andrew forever".The evening started with Franklin High school choir singing melodious tune to soothe our hurting heart, followed by Franklin Middle school drama club dancing to a peppy number from "Shrek" to lift up our sinking spirits.The children brought out the portrait of a smiling Drew and placed it on a chair on the stage from where he observed everything that evening.The event went on with singers singing their heart out, dancers dancing to shake off their blues.Tributes poured in from friends, teachers and family members.There was his sister reciting his poem on "French Fries", his best friend who emotionally narrated how they were an inseparable duo and read the last text message from Drew one hour before the accident.Finally the most heart breaking part was the poignant speech by his mom. She depicted strength, emotion and courage.There was not a dry eye in that auditorium on hearing her heart wrenching speech.
 That day made me reflect on many things in life. We all come to this world with a finite time card and it is quality of the life that matters and not the length of it.This boy who hardy lived up to the age of 14 touched the hearts of many in my community.The arm sock that he wore as a mockery was proudly worn by all the kids to show their solidarity.The card " # Be Like Andrew" that was passed around to keep his legacy alive showed his kindness to others. The oak tree that is going to stand tall in his school is going to tell stories about his exceptional character. The white bike that stands on that traffic intersection symbolizes his soul resting in peace.
      I was particularly moved to see the support from the Franklin fraternity. I saw God in every single soul assembled there.Looking around me and into the world, my faith in humanity has been fading lately but that evening sparked a new hope in me. I found an altruistic angle in every single kid who readily gave up their Halloween parties to gather in that auditorium to cherish the memories of their dear friend. The unparalleled team work by Franklin Township public school teachers and staff was equally impressive. In today's world filled with materialistic needs and egoistic interaction it is very refreshing to see such genuine warmth in people. That finally came to this lively soul in heaven who made me feel that this world is still a good place to live after all. Thank you Drew !

My hero

On Columbus Day 1999 arrived my first bundle of joy. Just like Christopher Columbus discovered this great continent, I discovered my way into motherhood. Sleepless nights and sleepy days became my routine. Diapers, pacifier, wet wipes replaced my makeup and books in my handbag. As a first time mother I was overwhelmed with joy of caring and nurturing my own baby whom I had started to love unconditionally. Equally overwhelming was the responsibility of caring for the little one. I checked on him constantly even when he was sound asleep. I made sure that the house was sanitized to keep away the germs. When he coughed or sneezed even once I ran to my Pediatric books to look for the differential diagnoses. For the developmental milestones forget it ! Even if he was late by a week to crawl or stand my mind came up with worst possible syndromes.

I can never forget his first day in daycare when he was just 18 months old. Dressed in a dark green jumper, carrying a orange colored Elmo bag he eagerly walked into a room full of toddlers. Little did he know that I was going to leave him there! As I closed the door of the room behind me, I felt heavy in my heart. Tear started to roll down my cheeks. I ran to my car and cried inconsolably. For the first time in his life I left him under the care of an outsider...I felt as though a part of my body was amputated. I checked my watch every 10 minutes, how I wished that day got over soon so that I could finally run to my baby, hold,hug and kiss him. After a grueling 4 long hour it was my time to pick him up. I rushed to the daycare, opened the door nervously to find my son running towards me with eyes filled with tears, his face red with anger and sadness from separation. Immediately he sprinted towards me and climbed on me and held me tight. The action that conveyed how much he missed me!

Today as Akash turns 17, he walks into his school without even giving me a second look but his affection has not faded. He demonstrated more than once his commitment to our family, right from protecting Akshay from food allergies to helping me set up my office .He has matured into an independent, courageous young man. I could not have been prouder, not only of his academic achievements but also his personality. He has inspired me in many ways...my love for writing was ignited by him so was my ambition to succeed. I learnt how to be a focused, grounded, matured and ambitious person from him.He truly is my hero!
Love you chella.